both sides, now

Joni Mitchell | 'Both Sides, Now'

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they tell me I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

Procuro todos os dias lembrar-me das pequenas dádivas. Só porque é a única forma de me levantar da cama. Comover-me, rir, chorar, berrar, brincar. Fazer desenhos ridículos, escrever frases sem sentido, que na altura me parecem camonianas. Cheirar o sabonete antes de entrar no banho e sorrir para as velas acesas no quarto.
Hoje faço um esforço maior. E custa-me especialmente a alma. Hoje lembrei-me de me lembrar de gostar. Uma espécie de tristeza maior que corre no corpo que me faz esquecer de sentir, de amar, de gostar, de saber o que sempre foi certo.
Uma dádiva da minha vida foi e é a voz da Joni Mitchell, as palavras seriamente unidas, e o prazer de tantas lágrimas quando a ouço. A minha doce educação emocional na figura desta linda senhora.
Porque hoje I really don't know life at all.